Welcome to year five of my Super Bowl posts! Technically, this is my sixth series if you actually count 2018-2023 but it’s also still year five? Math is weird. (I was a communication major for a reason.)

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Alright, let’s get past the elephant in the room: LVII in Roman numerals is 57. And to answer your follow up question, the NFL uses Roman numerals because “AFL and Chiefs founder Lamar Hunt proposed using Roman numerals for each Super Bowl to add pomp and gravitas to the game.” (NBC Sports) So come 2066, when it will be the 100th Super Bowl, it will be Super Bowl C.

The Match-Up

This year, the Super Bowl features the Kansas City Chiefs—or the Chefs as Stephen Colbert called them—and the Philadelphia Eagles.

The Chiefs will be playing in their third Super Bowl in the last four seasons. They won Super Bowl LIV against the San Francisco 49ers and lost Super Bowl LV to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Eagles won Super Bowl LII over the New England Patriots (which was actually my first Super Bowl recap series!)

The Eagles are the home team this year, and how that’s determined is as follows: “The designated home team alternates each year between the NFC and AFC champions. If it is as odd-numbered Super Bowl, the NFC team is the designated home team. If it was even-numbered Super Bowl, the AFC team is the designated home team.” (NBC Sports) They’ll use the stadium’s home locker rooms and choose their uniforms, while the Chiefs will call the opening coin toss (CBS Sports).

History makers:

This year marks the first Super Bowl in NFL history with two Black starting quarterbacks. QB1 for the Eagles is Jalen Hurts at age 24 while the Chiefs have Patrick Mahomes, age 27. There have been only three Black quarterbacks to win a Super Bowl: Mahomes (in Super Bowl LIV), Russell Wilson, and Doug Williams. Hurts would be the fourth if the Eagles win, and Mahomes would be the first to win two Super Bowls if the Chiefs win (Pro Football Talk).

Travis and Jason Kelce are set to become the first pair of brothers ever to play each other in a Super Bowl. Travis a tight end for the Chiefs, and Jason is the center for the Eagles. Fun fact: I watched all of Catching Kelce—Travis’s attempt at a dating show on E!—and that is time in my life I’ll never get back. If I thought I had trouble trying to pick a team to win, I do not want to be their mom.

Miscellaneous musings:

You know who I can guarantee is happy that the Eagles made it to the Super Bowl? Ms. Schemmenti from Abbott Elementary. (Also, if you haven’t watched that show, GO WATCH IT. It’s so good.)

The game will be played at State Farm Stadium in Arizona, and oh wait, guess who stars in the State Farm commercials with Jake from State Farm? Patrick Mahomes. Seems a bit suspicious to me…

The Game Plan

As I said in the title of this post, do I really have to root for a team? I’m kind of tired of the Chiefs, and I cannot root for the Eagles as they’re in the same division as my Giants. And I can’t even pick the lesser of the two evils—I just can’t pick a team. But one thing I do is true: regardless of the outcome of the game, Philly will be destroyed.

Last year, Josh and I went to his friend’s house for the game, but since Josh moved in last month, we were planning on having his best friend over—until he and his wife got COVID. So now it’ll just be me and Josh. Regardless, we’ll still have our pre-planned menu of spinach and artichoke dip, pretzel dogs, honey BBQ boneless chicken, chicken and cheese taquitos, and our beers of choice.

The Drinking Game

As always, drink…

• If the National Anthem takes more than two minutes (this year it will be sung by Chris Stapleton)
• If they mention both teams finished the regular season with a 14-3 record
• If they mention Andy Reid is going up against his old team the Eagles
• If they mention Nick Sirianni is in his second season as Eagles head coach
• If they mention Mahomes was drafted the same year the Eagles won their first Super Bowl
• If they mention that Hurts is the youngest QB in Eagles team history to ever advance to the Super Bowl at 24
• If they mention the Chiefs and Eagles have only met nine times in history
• Whenever they show Momma Kelce
• If the Chiefs mascot, K.C. Wolf makes an appearance (who looks kind of creepy TBH)
• If there’s any mention of Tom Brady (he’s not even playing and recently retired—again—but somehow he always comes up)
• If there are drone shots outside the stadium
• Whenever they show a celebrity in a private suite
• If there are any cool touchdown celebrations
  • Drink again if it looks like the entire team is involved in the celebration
• If any commercial sucks
• If there’s a Burger King commercial with the Whopper song
• If any commercial doesn’t make sense
• If any commercial has a baby or an animal in it