I love rom-coms, and I love romance books, so it’s not like I’m 100% against love.
Up until I had my first and only relationship—when I was almost 20 shall I add—a relationship was all I wanted. In the beginning of college, I had a thing with a guy, but I’m so glad it never worked out. And then I met my then-boyfriend kind of by accident, and aside from the sort of messy breakup (that’s what happens when you—me—gets broken up with in a text message), it was a good first relationship. He was patient with me, and we liked a lot of the same things. It just came down to long distance and being at different points in our lives. I don’t wish him any ill will.
Last week, if we were still together, we would have celebrated our five year anniversary. The only reason why I remember our anniversary is because it was one day after my parents’ wedding anniversary—they celebrated 32 years last Thursday. We didn’t do that on purpose; it just kind of happened that way.
To be honest, if we hadn’t broken up four years ago, I don’t know if we’d still be together now. I mean, I think I’ve changed in the last five years, and no doubt he has changed, too. Five years is a long time. But so is 32. And so is forever.
After being in a relationship, I know that they’re a lot of work and require a lot of communication. Now that I’m stable and really like my job, I feel like I’d be okay with a relationship, but it requires some effort that I don’t think I’m ready to give. I haven’t had any luck with dating apps, and I really only know like ten people, so.
There are some similarities between dating and the job search, which I spent a week short of a year doing. You have to list all of your best skills, your interests, what you’re good at, communicate well, and hope that the other side reciprocates. And sometimes, you just don’t hear back. As I’m writing this, I realize that I’m looking at it from a online dating/dating app situation, because do people actually just meet other people in bars nowadays? I’d never approach some random guy in a bar.
I’ve also thought about what if my future husband—bless his soul—is somewhere else? Like walking around in Chicago or down in Alabama yelling “roll tide”? Maybe you’re just not a match with the people around you? That’s why college was nice because you met so many new people, and my ex wasn’t from around this immediate area (he lived about an hour away). There are so many people out there, and your perfect match could be hundreds of miles away.
Granted, it should be pointed out that I’m currently putting 0% effort into finding a relationship. I just like to sit here, with my feet kicked back and drinking a beer, and speculate. I deleted dating apps off my phone in October and am going six months strong. The only other people I see are at either of my jobs; I don’t think anyone is going to slip me their number as I’m handing them a sundae, but ya never know, right?
I’m going to operate under the philosophy that a relationship will find me when it’s ready. I’ve bounced back from the defeating feeling of looking for a new job, but I don’t want to deal with empty texting conversations or being ghosted.
Any words of wisdom about relationships?