Maybe there’s some reason why I’ve only had one relationship, and I somehow blindly stumbled into that one. It’s so much easier to meet people at college, which is where I crossed paths with my ex.
It’s a million times harder once you graduate. And have like six friends like I do. I know I’m not setting myself up for success when it comes to relationships, but in the grand scheme of my life, I was only in a relationship for ~16 months, and I’m 24, so I’ve been “single” for about 22 and a half years of my life. And I think I turned out okay?
I had a really bad week in the beginning of August and re-downloaded Hinge onto my phone. I was educated about the world of Hinge in July and had it for a few weeks before deleting it.
So long story short, I started talking to a guy, we texted for a month, met up for drinks, hardly heard back from him, and now I’ve just abandoned ship. And if we’re being pragmatic and looking at other dates I’ve gone on, no one should be surprised at all.
Both basically ghosted me. The first was like right after we met for drinks—so this time isn’t any different—and the second guy just stopped talking to me and blocked me on social media the week we were supposed to meet up for a second time. He was also allergic to dogs, so I don’t know what I was thinking there.
But I’m always left with questions about what to do after when you don’t hear back from them. I get that people are busy; I’m working 55 hours weeks. But when you don’t hear from them after meeting in person, it’s hard to not think it’s because you met them.
Questions that went through my head in the week post-meet-up:
Can you double text?
When is it appropriate?
Is it considered a double text if you last texted them but then you text them two days later because you never heard from them?
Did I do something wrong?
Was it something I said when we met up? I mean, I talked about my cat but didn’t bring up that she’s double-pawed and didn’t say she has thumbs like I normally do.
Did I talk too much?
Was it because I said how much I love my undergrad advisor? (But for real, I do. Doug’s the man.)
Does it look bad that I haven’t talked to him either in almost two days, but I was the last one to text and he hasn’t texted me yet?
Was it because I waved to the dog that was in the brewery?
These are the petty things we have to deal with because of texting culture. (Don’t even get me started on the “texting to talk” thing. That will probably be a separate post at some point.) Part of me wants to say “Screw it” and just text the person a little “Hey, what’s up?” text. The other part of me thinks they’ll think it’s weird and then I’ll never hear from them again.*
There’s like a little line that you can’t cross over, but it seems like no one really knows where that line is. You’re both operating on two different lines, two different boundaries, and that’s when it can get confusing.
At no point in any of this was I not myself. And if that’s a problem, then it’s not my problem. I took a chance and it didn’t work out; it’s not the end of the world. It just sucks because he liked sports as much as I did. (And that’s what I consider important.)
At some point, you start to think, “Oh, they’re just busy. That’s why they’re not texting me.” But when you text someone all day and then get radio silence, maybe they’re not just “busy.” I feel like a more appropriate title for this post is “‘Maybe They’re Just Busy’ and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves.” Because I guess that’s what I was doing. And what I’ve done. I tried, and it didn’t work.
*In case you were wondering: I did text him after not hearing from him for two days, we briefly talked, and then I never heard from him again. There’s a reason why I don’t put their numbers in my phone as contacts.