Hopeless Romantic or Just Hopeless?

I love rom-coms, and I love romance books, so it’s not like I’m 100% against love.

Up until I had my first and only relationship—when I was almost 20 shall I add—a relationship was all I wanted. In the beginning of college, I had a thing with a guy, but I’m so glad it never worked out. And then I met my then-boyfriend kind of by accident, and aside from the sort of messy breakup (that’s what happens when you—me—gets broken up with in a text message), it was a good first relationship. He was patient with me, and we liked a lot of the same things. It just came down to long distance and being at different points in our lives. I don’t wish him any ill will.

Last week, if we were still together, we would have celebrated our five year anniversary. The only reason why I remember our anniversary is because it was one day after my parents’ wedding anniversary—they celebrated 32 years last Thursday. We didn’t do that on purpose; it just kind of happened that way.

To be honest, if we hadn’t broken up four years ago, I don’t know if we’d still be together now. I mean, I think I’ve changed in the last five years, and no doubt he has changed, too. Five years is a long time. But so is 32. And so is forever.

After being in a relationship, I know that they’re a lot of work and require a lot of communication. Now that I’m stable and really like my job, I feel like I’d be okay with a relationship, but it requires some effort that I don’t think I’m ready to give. I haven’t had any luck with dating apps, and I really only know like ten people, so.

There are some similarities between dating and the job search, which I spent a week short of a year doing. You have to list all of your best skills, your interests, what you’re good at, communicate well, and hope that the other side reciprocates. And sometimes, you just don’t hear back. As I’m writing this, I realize that I’m looking at it from a online dating/dating app situation, because do people actually just meet other people in bars nowadays? I’d never approach some random guy in a bar.

I’ve also thought about what if my future husband—bless his soul—is somewhere else? Like walking around in Chicago or down in Alabama yelling “roll tide”? Maybe you’re just not a match with the people around you? That’s why college was nice because you met so many new people, and my ex wasn’t from around this immediate area (he lived about an hour away). There are so many people out there, and your perfect match could be hundreds of miles away.

Granted, it should be pointed out that I’m currently putting 0% effort into finding a relationship. I just like to sit here, with my feet kicked back and drinking a beer, and speculate. I deleted dating apps off my phone in October and am going six months strong. The only other people I see are at either of my jobs; I don’t think anyone is going to slip me their number as I’m handing them a sundae, but ya never know, right?

I’m going to operate under the philosophy that a relationship will find me when it’s ready. I’ve bounced back from the defeating feeling of looking for a new job, but I don’t want to deal with empty texting conversations or being ghosted.

Any words of wisdom about relationships?

11 comments

  1. I’ve never looked for relationships, they’ve always just… happened. I met my husband online, and it was completely unexpected. We met through a photography website in 2013 and we were both taken at the time. We became friends and then our respective relationships ended. He flew to Canada to visit me and the rest is history! Life is full of surprises. My advice? Be you, be open, take your time and never change yourself to ‘fit in’ a relationship. x

    Liked by 1 person

    • I definitely want to go with the “just let things happen” path. I don’t want to stress all the time about trying to make something work. I also don’t want to change myself to fit someone. I am who I am, and I’ll find someone who accepts that.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I like that advice ^^^^. I’ll go with that one. 🙂

    I’ve had 2 serious relationships in my life; my ex whom I met on the school bus and my husband whom I met at work. The thing about dating apps (in my opinion) is even if they say they’re casually dating, they have to be serious in wanting to make a relationship work or they wouldn’t have put in the effort of creating a profile, thus forcing themselves into a relationship (sans those looking for a hook up). That’s the last thing you want in your relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dating apps always seem hit or miss. I’ve encountered guys who don’t know what they want or they want to meet like two days after we start talking or stop talking to me after I tell them I’m not looking for a hookup. I’d rather meet someone through friends or at work or in person somewhere.

      Like

  3. You’re right about the communication in relationships. I feel like that is very important to have. Also, the other person needs to understand what you’re talking about. Dating is hard. In college it was easier because you met so many people. When me and my ex broke up, I met him in college. I signed up for online dating and it was an experience. The majority of the guys I talked to didn’t want relationships. I was fortunate that I did meet my boyfriend and we both were interested in each other and wanted to be in a relationship. I feel like I am still learning about relationships and it is a lot work. So, I completely understand when people tell me they do not want to date or be in a relationship. Then, you do meet that person that is good for you and makes you happy and you are willing to put in the work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It sounds like we had the same boyfriend in college/dating app experience after experience! haha. At the moment, I’m okay without being in a relationship but if I happened to stumble across a guy who was interested in me and wanted to make things work, I wouldn’t turn him away. For me, at least, it seems like when I try to force something, it doesn’t work. I’d rather just let things happen.

      Liked by 1 person

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