Reliable Friends

Making friends as an adult is hard. It was easy when you were in school because you saw the same people every day, and in college, you basically got to live with your friends as roommates. And now as an adult, sure you have your co-workers, but outside of that, it can be hard to find people to be friends with because you’re not going to the same classes as them anymore.

In my case, I never had a big group of friends growing up, and I still don’t now. I’m okay with it, because I’m used to doing stuff on my own—#OnlyChildProbs—and I’m an introvert, so big groups of people make me nervous. There’s one friend from high school that I see somewhat regularly and still talk to—we try to grab lunch every three or four months or so—and I have the girls from the ice cream shop. I have one friend from college who I see once a year—he and I grabbed drinks earlier this week at the bar across the street from our college—and I went to see another one of my friends from college earlier this year at her law school in Rhode Island. (She’s one of those friends that even if we don’t talk for a year, which is actually what happened until I went down to see her, we get together and it’s like nothing’s changed.) Plus my co-workers. But other than that, that’s my circle of people.

That being said, I’ve realized over the years that I have reliable friends and friends that it’s hit or miss if we hang out or can make plans. I get that we’re all busy with our lives and we stay in touch on social media instead of actually talking to each other, but if I want to do things, I know who I can ask who will actually say yes and stick to it and who I’d need to chase down.

And sometimes, I love them to do death, but I need people who I can rely on. I guess it all goes back to my need for logistics and having expectations for others in my life. If I’ve been friends with or known someone for a while, by now I know what their personality is like, if they’re early to things, or if they’re someone I have to text well in advance. But does that feel like I’m accommodating people? Should I just do what fits me, instead of working to fit them so maybe some plans will actually happen? Am I selling myself short?

I try to be reliable, try to keep plans or schedule them so they work for me and the other person, and I try to be on time. Lately my ability to judge traffic and travel time is off, but I’m never more than five minutes late to somewhere.

Sure we need those fun spur-of-the-moment people in our lives, but we also need people we can rely on, whether for good or bad things. We need someone who’s going to agree and stick with the plan to meet for dinner at 5:00 p.m. or the person you could call late at night to pick you up from the bar. Or someone who’s your shoulder to cry—or laugh—on.

I hope you can find those people in your lives, and I hope you can be one of those friends, too.

7 comments

  1. Well said. I had lunch last week with a friend from school and we talked about how we had a relatively large group of friends back then, who we don’t talk to anymore. Nowadays I only talk to a small handful of people on a regular basis. I think it’s better this way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My persona changed in 2007. I started making friends all over the place. Yet, when it boils down to it, I only talk to about 3 friends on a regular basis. Friendships should be awesome. Catering to people’s timing can be a bit annoying, but it shouldn’t get to you much. You’ve know “Jack” for the last 12 years and you know what to expect from him. As long as you don’t have to change yourself to remain friends with someone, it shouldn’t be a problem.

    Have a great week!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know what to expect with people, which in a way makes my life a little easier. It’s just hard sometimes when plans don’t keep working out, or they say they’re going to do something and they don’t. But that’s why you have those reliable friends who you know you can fall back on and know they’ll follow through. I hope I can be a reliable friend to my friends, and I think most of the time, I am. (Assuming there aren’t any external forces preventing me from doing so.)

      Like

      • Becky. I think that if you are aware of how you want to be a reliable friend, that you are just that. Someone that isn’t going to flake or not show and God knows we all have a flaky friend or two 😋

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel this! In my soul! I have a group of 3 girls where I live now that I’ve known for about 4 years. One of them I see often enough. The other two – WOMP. They never respond to the group texts I send. The only time I see them is Holidays or Birthday dinners – and it’s the same “OMG! We cannot let it be this long between visits next time!” Yet – I text – aaaand crickets! I always tell myself “that is it! I am DONE being the one to reach out for a plan when it always falls flat.” But, I always do it anyway. I hit that place again yesterday. Lets see if I stick to it. Makes me sad, though. I liked those girls. *humph.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s exactly what I was talking about! You end up in a cycle and it’s frustrating and you want to be done but you feel bad. Because you think the next time they’ll change. I’m glad someone else goes through this too.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.