Great Expectations?

I’ve gotten used to setting the bar pretty low, because I’m used to disappointment. Mostly because of expecting others to do what they said they were doing to do or something not going right.

It shouldn’t be like that, right? I shouldn’t have to expect the absolute least because I don’t want to get my hopes up.

I have friends I know will show up on time somewhere, and I have others who I know are normally late—it’s just in their nature—so I don’t leave as early as I normally do. There are the people you text well in advance because you don’t know if or when they’ll text you back. (When I was “dating”—a term I use loosely—at one point, I had a list of requirements a guy needed, and they were really basic. That was a low point for me.)

But it’s kind of sad that we sometimes have to set the bar so low and expect the least so that we’re not disappointed. I think it’s similar to the whole “not everyone loves the same way you do.” We all do everything differently, and sometimes people let other people down. Sometimes not on purpose, but sometimes it feels like it is.

I’ve learned not to get my hopes up about certain things, because I know they’re never going to happen. In a way, I guess it makes one less thing for me to worry about.

It’s like when you see someone you haven’t seen in a while and you say, “Hey, let’s meet up some time and get lunch or drinks!” and you never end up doing it. Until you see them again, and the cycle continues.

I try to set reasonable expectations for myself, more so when it comes to interacting with others. (When it comes to myself, I’m the absolute worst and set such high expectations for myself.) I’ll admit there are times when I don’t follow up with what I said I would or I’ll send someone a quick text saying I’ll be a few minutes late. But I don’t make promises I can’t keep.

I’ve made the mistake of believing people’s promises, whether big or small, and that’s when you feel like your world is crashing down on you, and you blame yourself for believing them. But they’re at fault, too. No one should get your hopes up if they can’t deliver. You deserve better than that.

We can’t control how people act or what they do, and I guess our way of dealing with it is how we handle expectations of others. You can get used to your family and close friends and how they act and if they follow through on things, but it can be frustrating if they don’t match your expectations. Maybe we need to have different expectations for each person in our lives, instead of sweeping expectations.

And as we meet more people in our lives, we have to adjust our expectations accordingly. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and go from there. But make sure that you don’t get hurt in the process.

5 comments

  1. This one hits VERY close to home. Someone recently told me, “if someone one wants to see you, they’ll make the time for you.” It was a tough pill to swallow but it definetly made me reevaluate the people in my life.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Exactly. Not everyone thinks or acts the way you do, and it sucks when people don’t follow through. Or reach out when you want them to. You just have to be realistic, and if it’s not worth worrying over, then you have to move on, even if it hurts.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes! That’s why I’ve stopped reaching out to certain friends or just abolishing any sort of expectations. It’s hard but it’ll be worth it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This spoke to me so much!!
    What you said about seeing someone you haven’t seen in a long time and asking them to hang out, but never follow through. That is me and I feel terrible about it. I feel like in the moment, I had good intentions, but then they never reach out and I “feel” busy, so ya it just never happens.
    One thing I’ve always struggled with is feeling like I care about people more than they care about me. Maybe that is dramatic and incorrect, but I feel like I’m the reliable friend. I get places early, I text back within a few minutes, but definitely by the end of the day, you can vent to me whenever, and I’m pretty available to hang out, yet whenever I need those things from others, it’s not as important. So when it comes to friends I have had to lower my bar a TON because I’m always being let down by the people around me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m in the same exact boat as you. I’ve always been the person people tell stuff to but then when I need to talk, I feel like no one’s there. Thankfully, the girls at the ice cream shop are always there to listen and I rely on them a lot. But I’ve also stopped going out of my way to do things for others because I know I might be let down. It really sucks, but I guess that’s just how the world is.

      Like

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