That Awkward Phase

(Not to be confused with That Awkward Moment with Zac Efron and Vince Howard from FNL.)

I wrote this post the other week about not knowing what I want to do with my life. I’ve been thinking about it more, and I think it’s because I don’t have a plan.

In college I always had a plan. I went out of my way to get two internships, my last one with my current company, and I knew my sophomore year I was going to get my master’s degree. During my senior year, I stayed in touch with my former boss, and luckily they offered me a job a week before graduation.

I always had a sense of where I was going or what I wanted to do.

And now I feel like I don’t.

I worked hard in college because I knew I would need the experience after graduation. I stepped out of my comfort zone and got involved on campus. I thought I had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life.

My job is great experience, but I know I’m not going to stay there forever. So what am I supposed to do next? I thought getting a master’s degree would help me figure out my plan, but right now, I’m still planless.

Universe: give me some kind of sign.

Do I stay living at home? Do I move out? If I do, could I stand living on my own? What does my next job look like? Do I need to have it all figured out?

I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. My second job starts in less than a month, and I’ll be happy to see my girls again. (For those who don’t know, I work at an ice cream shop. It was my first job, and I pick up a couple shifts on the weekends.) I have plans to go visit one of my friends from college in a few weeks in Rhode Island, which I’m looking forward to. And I’ve started running again.

I’m not sure if the time off these last few months has me overthinking, but I just feel a little lost lately. Can anyone give me some kind of direction?

9 comments

  1. Hmmm this is an interesting and thought-provoking post. Yet conversely you hit your own nail on the head with your own conclusion .. which was that recently you may have been overthinking things.

    I’m no expert, and we are all different, but while ambition and drive are positive, the anxiety which could creep in from having a rigid plan would unravel the fabulous start you have made.
    Sometimes, allowing ourselves to ‘rest on the plateau’ before we once again march upwards with head down and arms pumping, gives our minds and bodies a chance to relax into the present. Your running will help you relax as you already know and I suspect if you gave yourself a mini goal of, say, two months to not worry too much about a plan, you never know what will happen.
    You might be running in the park one day and meet some lovely fun runners, chat and meet again, bond and become roommates… you just don’t know what’s around the corner 🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like your wording of “rest on the plateau”. It makes me think of looking over from a cliff, maybe looking at what I’ve done so far, seeing how far I’ve climbed. And my accomplishments should be acknowledged and used to push myself forward, but when I’m ready. Maybe not having a plan right now will let me enjoy the moment and get myself ready for whatever comes next.

      Like

  2. I’ve felt the same way since graduating. In school, I always knew what I was working towards. I knew what I had to do to get where I needed to be. Graduating felt like the end of all of it and I haven’t really known where to begin again since. Wish I could provide some advice, but I’m in the same boat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s just nice to know that I’m not the only one in the boat. It’s like you’re always planning in high school and college, and then you graduate, and you’re on your own. I’m still waiting for the universe to tell me what’s next.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Definitely. Back then, everything felt mandatory. Like “I HAVE to get this internship” or “I HAVE to take these courses” whether I want to or not. Now, nothing feels mandatory and we’re forced to decide on our own what we want to do, but we’re not even sure of that.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve totally been here. As I mentioned in your other post, it seems like you’re not as lost as you might feel, as an outsider looking in. I’m a recovering perfectionist, who benefits from some planning/structure – not knowing sucks! I try to follow my gut & take action, even if small steps. This quote sometimes helps: “Whatever you do, you end up either winning or learning.”

    Liked by 1 person

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