Remember Super Bowl LIV last year when everything seemed alright in the world? I think that’s the last fun thing we all experienced before the world shut down a month later.

This year is Super Bowl LV—that’s 55 for those of you at home who don’t use roman numerals on a daily basis—and it features not the New England Patriots! I guess that’s all you need to know. Okay, it’s defending Super Bowl Champions Kansas City Chiefs and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers—ugh, I guess Tom Brady had to try to find his way into the big game. I’ll be rooting for the Chiefs because I hate Tom Brady.

The Bucs are playing the Super Bowl in their own home stadium, and the NFL doesn’t want the Bucs to fire the cannons from their pirate ship after touchdowns and big plays in an attempt to keep it a neutral site game. This is the first time ever that any team has managed to reach the Super Bowl in the same year their stadium is hosting it. At least one Florida team has a cool celebrating machine (I’m looking at you Derek Jeter and getting rid of the dinger machine in Marlins Park).

There will be 25,000 fans in the stands and 30,000 cutouts at the stadium (NFL). Of the 25,000 fans, 7,500 will be vaccinated healthcare workers. I’m honestly surprised we made it this far without the NFL having to cancel a single game this season and that they can even have fans in attendance. I’d much rather stay home, though, in my New York Giants onesie, eat a ton of snacks, and use my own bathroom. Can I just ask that everyone wears a mask? At all times? And that the mask GOES OVER THEIR NOSE?

According to CBS Sports, the color of the uniforms each team wears is pretty important. (Last year was the first ever red vs. red Super Bowl.) The Bucs had the first pick of their uniform combo and chose white jerseys and pewter pants. The Chiefs are opting for red jerseys and white pants, the same uniforms they wore last year. Apparently the Bucs have been more successful in white jerseys than their red or pewter jerseys. They’re 9-2 in white jerseys, 3-2 in red, and 2-1 in pewter this seasons. They went 5-0 in white jerseys/pewter pants this year. The Chiefs have gone 9-2 in red jerseys and 7-0 in white jerseys this year.

Our snack menu this year includes:

• Mini meatball sliders
• Nachos
• Popcorn chicken
• Wings
• Pigs in a blanket
• Homemade peanut butter and graham cracker rice crispy treats

Here’s my drinking game for this year’s Super Bowl:

Drink…

• If the National Anthem takes more than two minutes (this year it will be sung by Jazmine Sullivan and Eric Church)
• If Andy Reid is rocking his clear face shield
• If Patrick Mahomes is compared in any way to Tom Brady
  • Drink again if there’s a chart graphic showing their career stats
• At any mention of the COVID-19 pandemic (since, ya know, we’re still in the middle of it)
  • Drink again if any of the following phrases are used: “Unprecedented times,” “Hard year,” or “We need football”
• If they talk about how the Chiefs’ barber tested positive for COVID
• If they show the cutouts in the stand and there’s a dog
• If they talk about Tampa Bay how is the first team to play a Super Bowl at home 
• If there’s any mention of the cannons not going off because it’s supposed to be a neutral site game
• If they talk about Mahomes’s fiancée being pregnant
• At any mention of “The GOAT”
• Or the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick
• If they talk about how many people are in attendance
• If they show fans at home via Zoom
• If Tony Romo successfully predicts a play
• If there are any cool touchdown celebrations
  • Drink again if it looks like the entire team is involved in the celebration
• If any commercial sucks
• If any commercial that doesn’t make sense
• If any commercial has a baby or an animal in it

(Thanks to Paul for help with some suggestions!)

You can obviously use your beverage of choice, whether alcoholic or non-alcoholic. I have a few beers I’ve been saving for the game but I’m not sure what I’ll have yet. My choices will be included in my post-Super Bowl recap.

What are your plans for the Super Bowl? Who do you want to win?