Sometimes there are just things that are out of your control, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And that’s okay.

One of the things I realized when I was in my last relationship—well, actually my only relationship—was that I’d take on any stress my ex had, when in fact, nothing he was dealing with had to do with me. I thought that it meant I cared and wanted to help, but in reality, it just caused me unnecessary stress.

With my anxiety, sometimes I get ahead of myself or worry about things that I shouldn’t be worrying about. Especially things I can’t control.

Family members, friends, co-workers, anyone you’re close with can be going through things and you can help and support the best you can, but what’s going to happen will happen. If it’s doesn’t directly affect you, then you shouldn’t act like it does. That might sound harsh, but it’s what I keep telling myself so I don’t worry about things that I shouldn’t be.

If something directly involves or affects me, then I’ll become involved and see how I can help or what I can do. But if it’s completely out of my control, then I need to be aware of that and just see what happens. We already have enough going on in our own lives that we sometimes don’t need extra things to worry about.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I stop and think about what’s directly in my control and what’s not. And then I focus on what I can do myself to improve my situation. It’s all still a work in progress, but it’s helping me be less anxious, because my anxiety and the feelings that come with it can last for days at a time. I can still function, but it’s no fun feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest or like I’m on edge all of the time.

We’re really all doing the best we can, and we can be there for others, but we also have to realize what we can control and what we can’t.