I warned one of my co-workers today that it was trade deadline day, and he’s not interested in baseball one bit. So since I couldn’t yell about any of this at work, here’s my breakdown of this year’s trade deadline deals.

Zach Britton to the New York Yankees: Well, we don’t have to worry about Buck Showalter not using him in a wildcard game again.

Nathan Eovaldi to the Boston Red Sox: Apparently everyone else in the world knew who he was, and I didn’t. I’ve heard good things about him, and now that Chris Sale is on the DL, I’m assuming he’ll still be in the starting rotation.

Martin Maldonado to the Houston Astros: I guess he’ll fill in while Brian McCann is on the DL.

J.A. Happ to the Yankees: Okay, so he wants to go by just “Jay” now? Um, hello Mike Stanton much? According to my sources—aka Paul over at The Captain’s Speech—Happ has hand, foot, and mouth disease.

Cole Hamels to the Chicago Cubs: He used to be so good when he was on the Phillies and now he’s just bouncing around. At least he’s always been somewhat consistent.

Eduardo Escobar to the Arizona Diamondbacks: No clue who this is.

Asdrubal Cabrera to the Philadelphia Phillies: Didn’t know he was still playing?

Mike Moustakas to the Milwaukee Brewers: The Moose went to the Brew Crew, and now beautiful Travis Shaw will now play second base to accommodate him. I think they’re going to be best buddies. I support this trade but wish the Sox made a little bit of a push for Moustakas since we’re a little weak at third with Rafey on the DL—again.

Lance Lynn to the Yankees: He was traded for amateur fighter Tyler Austin, who’s going to the Minnesota Twins.

Roberto Osuna to the Houston Astros: Don’t even get me started on him.

Adam Duvall to the Atlanta Braves: I think I’m getting him confused with Adam Lind. They are two different people.

Keone Kela to the Pittsburgh Pirates: I have no clue who this is.

Ian Kinsler to the Red Sox: 1. So does this mean Pedey’s not coming back this year? 2. Convinced Dealin’ Dave Dombrowski is just trying to recreate the Tigers. (JD, Price, Kinsler, and Pretty Ricky Porchello played in Detroit together in 2014.) But I like this trade. I’ve always like Kinsler.

Tommy Pham to the Tampa Bay Rays: I think he was the only player the Rays actually acquired today and didn’t trade away.

Brad Ziegler to the Diamondbacks: I honestly only know who he is because he played for the Sox for a short period of time. But he’s a pretty decent closer.

Cameron Maybin to the Seattle Mariners: Cameron Maybin still plays baseball. Hmph.

Wilson Ramos to the Philadelphia Phillies: I only remember him because he got kidnapped once. I hope Gabe Kapler treats him well. Also per Paul, I’ve been told the Phillies got a left-handed reliever. Whoo!

Brian Dozier to the Los Angeles Dodgers: I always saw him play when he was coming up through the Twins minor league system. The Dodgers only other second baseman is Chase Utley, and according to their roster on ESPN, they don’t have a third baseman?

(Upon further inspection, Justin Turner plays third and is on the DL. But still.)

Kevin Gausman and Darren O’Day to the Braves: I really like O’Day because he’s a submarine pitcher, and I love sidearm pitchers.

Chris Archer to the Pirates: I was surprised by this one, because I didn’t know Archer was even on the block. But apparently so.

Jonathan Schoop to the Brewers: I don’t quite get the logic behind this. The Brewers got the Moose, who will play third, and were going to move Travis Shaw to second base? Where’s Schoop going? Shaw can’t play short, so. And Schoop was traded for Johnathan Villar, another second baseman… I’m so confused about their middle infield.

---

I thought I’d have more yelling to do, but I guess not. I’m in favor of getting Kinsler, and I believe that the O’s are in the middle of a firesale. The Brewers stocked up, and so did the Yankees. It’ll be interesting to see where upcoming free agents end up.