The title reminds me of this commercial for Little Caesars; I kindly request that all articles of clothing stay on while reading this post.

I tend to like things to be a certain way… okay, I want things to be a certain way. I enjoy routines, structure, and knowing what’s next. And thanks to anxiety medications, I can mostly handle when things don’t go right without completely freaking out. (If not, either my mom will receive a frantic phone call from me, or I vent to Josh when he comes home from work.)

Recently, I’ve found myself breaking the little rules I’ve put on myself. I stress little rules because I’m not out here trying to break the big rules, aka federal and state laws. I would NOT survive in prison. So let’s focus on the harmless rules that cause unnecessary pressure.

This sort of started when Josh downloaded a lawn mower simulation game a few months ago. He keeps telling me that whenever we buy a house, I’ll have to learn to do yard work? That sounds terrible. But I decided to humor him and play the simulation. Well, the original draw was the Dino Safari version in the bundle. I thought that the dinosaurs were real and you had to run away from them on a riding lawn mower. Spoiler: that’s not the case, unfortunately. You can mow at a dinosaur amusement park, and the dinos are fake. We played on the “free mow” level, where you can just go around and mow at your own pace. The first time I played, I tried to be neat with the mowing and do the whole back-and-forth pattern. The second time, it was a free-for-all, and I just mowed wherever I wanted to. And it was totally okay. It didn’t matter how I mowed.

A few other examples of me breaking my own rules:

• Cross stitching: Usually, I try to finish a section in all the same color, but for the current project I’m working on, it was easier to switch colors within an area. My mind told me that I have to do this one way, but in fact, I can do whatever works for me. And whatever makes it easier for me to finish the project.
• Fries for the table: This John Mulaney skit was re-created a few weeks ago when Josh and I were with my parents for our weekly date night on Fridays. I can’t remember the last time we got an appetizer to share; Josh, my mom, and I always get side salads but not a legit app. My mom was like, “Hey, let’s get a basket of fries!” and I was more worried about that I was getting a burger for my meal that would be coming with fries. But there are no rules! You can get as many fries as you want.
  • I think this is similar to getting pre-dinner ice cream, which I have partaken in before.
• Painting my nails: I have a large basket of nail polish that I’ve acquired over the years, with basically every color of the rainbow. I always paint my own nails (I’ve only had my nails done at a salon like twice in my entire life?), and it’s typically every week and a half to two weeks. I tend to lean toward more fun colors, especially during certain seasons, like I’ll paint my nails pink and red for Valentine’s Day, green for St. Patrick’s Day, orange for Halloween, and green and red for Christmas. My friend got me into nail stamping a handful of years ago, and it’s super fun to pick designs to use.

These rules I’ve imposed on myself probably seem silly, but for some reason, it’s just how my brain works. I’ve been working on challenging those restrictions and knowing that it’s not hurting anyone and it’s just fun. I’ll never be completely spontaneous or like surprises, but I think this is a start.