I’ve mentioned this a few times in my posts since the beginning of 2025, but I’m not really drinking anymore. The last time I had a full glass of alcohol (which was beer), it was the first weekend of December 2024. It’s now the middle of March.

How did we get here?

I was sick—for practically all of December. Add to that a trip to the hospital right after Christmas.

Alcohol wasn’t directly involved in being sick (if it was, I’d totally understand my aversion to it). I spent all of January recovering, and the thought of drinking wasn’t appealing to me. Then I started feeling more like myself, and I spent some time wondering why I didn’t want to have a glass of wine on Thursday nights or why I wasn’t getting a beer at Friday night date night with my parents. It came down to control.

When I was sick, I basically had no control over my body and what it was doing. And that terrified me. When I usually drink, I don’t drink a ton (2-3 drinks over the course of a week), so I’m not getting black-out drunk (not that I ever have). But just knowing that alcohol, at a point, can cause you to “lose control” freaked me out a bit. I want(ed) full control over my body and what happens to it.

It took me a bit to get to that conclusion, but it made sense to me. I know the aspect of control is a reason why some people don’t drink. I get it. For the first few months of this year, I wasn’t trying to force myself to drink. I get sodas at Friday night date night, and I looked into non-alcoholic beer. I found a brand, Athletic Brewing, that’s based in Connecticut and available at a lot of package stores in the area. I picked up a six-pack of Free Wave, a hazy IPA, that actually tastes just like beer. (I know, it’s the point but both Josh and I were pleasantly surprised.)

Things have seemed to change a tiny bit in the last week or so. Last Thursday night, Josh and I split a Tree House cranberry tart (5% ABV) between us, and I drank my half. And it was good, and I was fine. Over the weekend, Josh and I went to a brewery (a belated birthday gift for him), and I had two half-pours of two different sours (they came in a cute tiny glass). And again, I was fine. I figure it’s an easy way to ease back in; Josh jokes that no matter how we talk about me drinking again, it always sounds bad.

On Monday night, I went to a fundraising event for the theater group I volunteer with at a brewery. I checked out the drink list on their website before going and saw they had Athletic Brewing, so I got one of those while I was there. And I didn’t feel like I was missing out. (I did miss out on the karaoke, though, because everyone who participated perform in the group’s shows, and I would sound like a dying cat next to them. It was still fun to watch.)

During this whole process, part of me has felt bad that I’m holding Josh and me back from going to breweries. Because that’s our thing! Heck, we did a (sort of) monthly local brewery tour last year, and we always find them when we go on vacation (4 in Cleveland!). But he understands why I’m hesitant and doesn’t want to push me to do something I don’t want to.

So, we’ll see where this goes. There seem to be more options than I thought, like going the non-alcoholic route or getting a half-pour glass. Maybe toward the end of the year, I can do another check-in to see if anything has changed. Just glad I’m only turning 31 this year—because I drank a ton of wine at my 30th last year at a winery 😅