I feel like I don’t have much to write about lately. Thus why I haven’t published a post in a while. Things just feel weird; it doesn’t help that I’ve been having trouble sleeping. A few weeks ago, one Friday night, I couldn’t fall asleep until 2:00 a.m., and these past two nights have been rough: waking up at 3:00 a.m. and not falling back asleep until after 5:00 a.m., and then, again, being awake until past 2:00 a.m. So it’s safe to say I’m dragging a bit today. And don’t get me started on going outside. It’s in the mid-90s today with insufferable humidity. If I don’t have to go outside, you best bet I’m not.

But then I also feel like I’ve been wasting my summer? It’s almost mid-July and I don’t feel like I’ve made a dent in a proper summer bucket list—not that I even have one. I’m not going to go outside and sweat for no reason. Guess I’m just jealous of what I see on social media, even if it’s random people I don’t know who show up on my Instagram explore page. I’ve done a few things so far—mostly our Cleveland trip but also a few ice cream dates, sitting outside and reading, and went home to my parents for the Fourth of July—but I’ve also got a bunch of things coming up. All of the mundane things in life continue, no matter the season, and all of this probably doesn’t matter as much as I think it does.

I know I’m being unnecessarily hard on myself. It’s how I’ve always sort of been, and my anxiety doesn’t help. I’m on meds for it, and they definitely help, but every once in a while, that little voice in my head barges her way to the front—similar to how Inside Out works, I think. (Her name is Linda, btw.) I think that’s probably why I’ve had trouble sleeping, and I really hope this week I can get back to a normal sleep schedule. Talking with Josh last night about the thoughts bouncing around in my head helped, and I’m glad I have him as someone who supports me. And sometimes hearing myself say the things out loud makes me realize how irrational some of the thoughts sound.

One of those (irrational) thoughts is starting over. But in a good way? There’s a very good chance I’m signing up for a 5K race in October. And that shouldn’t be big news, but in the past eight-ish months, I’ve fallen off the running wagon. Because life—and kitchen cabinet painting—happens. Running used to be my thing, and signing up for a 5K isn’t earth-shattering. Since the last race I ran on Thanksgiving, to date, I have run six times. (One of them was another race in March.) So with this upcoming race in October, it does feel like I’m back to square one. But it’s not something I haven’t done before. Once August hits, I’m going to start “training” and do the best I can—it’s just getting back into a routine and a plan. And Josh will be there at the race to cheer me on.

So I’m just trying to take it a day at a time. I’ve been fully immersed back into the Below Deck universe. As beautiful as the places are where they’re sailing—Italy, Australia, and Greece—I’m more jealous of the charcuterie spreads the chefs put out. I’m reading every day and playing Animal Crossing, and I have my weekly dance class. I know the things that make me relaxed and less anxious, so I’m able to take care of myself that way. And I’m counting down the days until Josh and I go to Maine (twice!!!!)—I can’t wait.