Super Bowl LIII—or 53 for those of you who don’t actively use Roman numerals—is set: Los Angeles Rams vs. New England Patriots.
Much to my hatred, the New England Patriots are in the Super Bowl—again. For the third time in a row*. In case you’re new here, I’m a New York Giants fan living in Connecticut. It sucks. I did this to myself, really, so I have no one else to blame. (I will point out, though, that my dad is a Minnesota Vikings fan, and my mom is a Giants fan just because I am. So we’re a little messed up.)
*I feel like I’m not allowed to complain because I’m a University of Alabama football fan who has enjoyed her fair share of National Championship games…
I don’t have any feelings either way against the Rams. I think they need to figure out where they really want to stay—the Rams originated in Los Angeles from 1946 to 1994, moved to St. Louis for some awful reason until 2015, and then moved back to LA in 2016—because that’s just a lot of uprooting and moving to do. And at least they don’t have a name like the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
of the United States of the North America of the World. I’m also convinced their coach is 12. And so is their QB. But youths run the world, right?
(Their coach, Sean McVay is 32, and their QB, Jared Goff, is 24. I’M OLDER THAN HIM BY ALMOST FIVE MONTHS AND NOT PLAYING IN A SUPER BOWL.)
Obviously, since I absolutely hate the Patriots, I’m rooting for the Rams to win. Hey, I rooted for the Eagles to win last year and they did, soooooo *shrugging emoji* The Pats are a 2.5 point favorite, so I guess they’re assuming the game will be close. (Throughout the season while I was in a football pool, the Pats were normally a 13+ point favorite. I was also really bad at said football pool, so maybe don’t trust my judgment on spreads. That was the same pool where I always picked against the Giants.)
My mom always makes wonderful snacks for the Super Bowl. This year’s menu includes mozzarella sticks, mini meatball sliders, taco dip, popcorn chicken, wings, and homemade peanut butter and graham cracker rice crispy treats. The heartburn is 100% worth it.
I’ll be watching the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, as well as the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel. Assuming my dogs don’t bark at the TV and ruin everything.
Last year, I brought you a drinking game as a neutral fan, and I’m doing the same again this year.
- Tony Romo thinks he made some kind of amazing prediction
- Chug if he’s actually right
- Any mention of how Tom Brady’s first Super Bowl was against the (St. Louis) Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI in 2002
- Any fun CBS graphic showing how old some of the Pats players were when TB12 was in Super Bowl XXXVI
- Any mention of the Patriots being in the last three out of four Super Bowls
- Talk about how old Rams’ head coach Sean McVay is
- Any talk about Bill Belichick and Tom Brady
- Speculation about when Brady will retire
- A Giselle sighting
- Any ref doesn’t call pass interference (no, wait, that would only be if the Saints were playing…)
- Flashbacks to the NFC championship game
- Any cool touchdown celebrations
- Drink again if it looks like the entire team is involved in the celebration
- Mention of Julian Edelman’s comeback from not playing in 2017 and his four-game suspension for violating the NFL’s drug policy at the beginning of the season
- If someone brings up the Patriots/Falcons Super Bowl game, since they’re playing in Atlanta
- Any time Bill Belichick throws something on the sidelines
- Drink again if it’s a Microsoft Surface
- If Maroon 5 absolutely tanks the half time performance
- If Maroon 5 shocks everyone and doesn’t suck
- Any commercial sucks
- Any commercial that doesn’t make sense
- Any commercial has a baby or an animal in it
Feel free to add to the drinking game in the comments, and you can obviously use your beverage of choice, whether alcoholic or non-alcoholic.
I ended with this last year, and I’ll end with it again because it’s still 100% true:
Fun fact of the day: The Patriots would currently have seven (even with their lost last year) Super Bowl rings instead of five if they hadn’t lost TWICE to the New York Giants.