For some reason, really within the last week or so, I’m super aware of how I act, and boy do I feel awkward.
I would have thought my anxiety would have to be acting up for that to happen, but I feel fine. I know what I’m doing at my job, so that’s not the problem. I haven’t really done anything outside of my normal routine. But I feel so awkward.
(A great example: I went to an event on campus today at work, and I have to go pick something up tomorrow morning related to the event. So I asked, “Do we have to pick it up tomorrow or Thursday?” and the kid was like, “Tomorrow’s Thursday.” So that’s when I learned I shouldn’t be let out in public.)
When I’m asked a question that has a short or simple answer, I find myself rambling. Granted, I do answer the question, but it takes me a while to get there. Or I throw in unnecessary extras that weren’t relevant to what we were talking about.
Before the start of the year, I cut my hair, which I don’t regret at all, but it’s gotta be the lighting in the women’s bathroom at work because I feel like either I’m not styling it right or my forehead is just really big. (I’d like to think it’s the ridiculously bright florescent lighting.)
Or maybe it’s because I know deep down I’m doubting myself. The other night, I rattled off a draft post about a crush that I have—maybe if you guys are lucky you’ll get to read it one day—and how people have told me to give it a try, but I know I can’t. It’s a long story, but based on my past experiences with guys and me “making the first move”, it doesn’t end well. At all. I know it’s just a silly crush and I can suppress it, but for some reason, it’s consuming some of my thoughts. And leading me to think that my forehead is really big. Or that guys don’t really go for me. That it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie.
Hopefully this weird feeling moves on quickly, because I don’t like being inside my head this much. This is why I don’t do yoga or drive by myself for extended periods of time. I hope I don’t seem as awkward to everyone as I feel… I’m hoping there’s something I can do that will boost my confidence, whether it’s going for a good run or tackling a project at work.
Any advice on how I get out of my own head and stop feeling awkward?